Hey everyone!  Hmm is anyone still here? Haha

It's been such a long time since my last post. I couldn't even finish my Japan Travel post.  I was terribly busy and kind of stress out as well. Ya know, managing and operating an online store is not as easy as everyone thought it could be!

I've got friends who asked me questions like, oh, what ya do besides your fashion store? Or questions like so, are you looking for a job or something? 

These questions make me crazy and I *Really* want to walk away immediately whenever someone said that to me but I didn't of course cz I'm coward haha

I do have some friends who thought that I'm doing really well and like I'm earning tons of money.

Well, I'm a super perfectionist and I don't satisfy easily. I'm not really earning that much and I still couldn't get back what I earned in Groupon yet mainly because I invested almost everything back to my business. And m not doing so shit that I need to look for another job. I don't blame those who thought that because you don't know about my life and you don't know how many nights I couldn't sleep working hard on building my business.  It's not a business actually.  It's my dream and I really want to achieve it! I'm glad that I met so many wonderful people throughout this journey! My web developer, web designer, suppliers, interns and customers. And I feel really lucky that my bf, his family and my family always back me up for this! Without bf and their family support,  I wouldn't be able to sustain for so long given that the cost of living here is so high.

I do not have much capital to start up with but I'm glad that I still managed to survive utill now! Haah and I'm all ready to rock it to the next level! It's my baby! My first baby omg so emotional wtf. Pardon me pls *women's pain now, 1st day wtf*

Ok let's not talk about work anymore hahah I wanted to blog about this topic long time ago and I did but never publish those posts because I never finish writing them.

I can't really sleep tonight and since I love working on the phone so much and thanks to Qiuqiu whom I got to know about Blogger app, I decided to start blogging again!  Not sure how long this will last but well, let's just play by ears. (New phrase that he thought me. Don't know whether I use it correctly or not.  And he is sleeping now. No ones editing my post fml) 

So, I *witnessed* almost everything happened from those who's getting proposed,  those who just registered as husband and wife, and those who got pregnant and those who's going through after marriage life challenges.

I've always wanted to get married and I was kind of stress up because even I myself don't think that I'm ready for it but I just couldn't stop thinking about it lolol and there're really days where I secretly cry because I just couldn't stop myself from thinking about it. This is so stupid because I'm really not ready for marriage yet.  It's just purely peer pressure fml.

So guess what I did to stop myself from being crazy? I actually googled about "how to stop myself from thinking about marriage" hahah

And here are just some questions that I read and which is quite useful to scare myself off from mariage. 

1) Ask yourself, why you want to gemarried NOW! Why not after 5 years or so. Why now? 

- I want to secure my relationship through marriage. 

- All my friends are getting married and I feel so left out. haahah WTF man! I can't believe I wrote this! 

I've been hearing people talking about peer pressure but I never really understand that and I always thought that it is such a stupid reason  to get married. 

The answer seeking journey actually makes me feel much better and understand better why m I so eager to get married and what are the consequences. 

Back to the first reason. I came from a very sad ex relationship and I feel really insecure.  He kind of cheated on me and I need to faced two of them almost everyday. Even until now, I would still dream about the incidents and woke up crying like a pig. However,  past is past. And he is totally different with my ex and I started thinking about the reasons why I decided to be together with him. I said yes to his first date because I really like him *OMG*! I'm like meeting prince William you know that kind of feeling? I stalked him for years throughh his ex's blog and I secretly looking for guys who look similar to him and not just that, same age and same horoscope!  And you know what? I really found that guy! He looks very similar to him! Muscular, short haha FHL, English educated except that I never hear him speak English at all, same age and same horoscope with him. And I thought,  ya this is the guy but who knows, it didn't work out because I never really like that guy. I was just imagining he is Barry wtf. 

Ok because of the the hormone thingy, i feel very excited now but there's no chair for me to spin here and i really scared that i would be too excited and spin the bed instead. Hahah He is actually sleeping right beside me now! Even after 1 year and 4 months, my heart still pop popp pop popp like that wtf haha. I'm gonna skip most of the stories like how we met and stuff or else this post will never end. 

So I finally met him and we got together! One of the most important key that pushes me into this relationship is the Never-Give-Up spirit of him. He never fail to show me his commitment to this relationship. I feel happy and secure all the time. I feel like I'm a strong person who can do whatever I want but still covered safely under his shell. He is always so supportive and always so mean to tell me whenever I make mistakes hahah. I really like it! Ya know sometimes us girls just want to prove that we're not princess but in fact we are that kind of thing. Hahaha and he is the only one guy in this world who managed to surprise me and I actually enjoyed it. (It's gonna be very hard to surprise me because I hate surprises! Perfectionist bitch problem. Always want things to happen in the best way like magic zzz) 

All this while I feel loved and secured. So why am I worrying about this shit? Marriage doesn't mean you get to hold a person's heart forever. Marriage doesn't mean he or she is committing or what not. We're committing in this relationship to each other. He loves me and loves my family too! He respect me as a women and I've got all the women's right that I should have as a women. Hahah I mean, ya knkw sometimes there are things that us the wmen can't do if your bf is the Dai Lam Yan that type. And most importantly,  my parents love him like crazy man. Even my parents felt that he is commiting to the relationship and my parents love having him hanging around the house without feeling pressure on being perfect so that people won't judge that kind. 

And he used to wait for me for my dance class to end from the start every freaking week and also wait for me while I sing for 3 hours per night 2 nights per week. WTH man. My heart melted and I know I want to be do this to him too! I have to stop taking advantage on him! Kept chasing him for marriage without thinking about all the consequences that will start incurring after this. 

I will just skip reason 2 because it is bull shit and it can be solved by thinking about why we get together at the first place.

I went shopping with my gfs lately for ring picking and wedding dress hunting. And got to know the reason why us girls shouldn't push our bf to get married.  A wedding cost like a mountain of cash. From engagement ring, at least 5k, to wedding rings, at least 4k per person,  a wedding banquet, at least 30k, wedding photos and the list goes on. And after that, you gotta buy a house together, pregnant, have baby and you will never know how much more It would cost! So unless you're super financially stabled and also guarantee that he is the one,  then you have the right to start thinking about marriage. But even if you have the right,  you can't push you love one because he might not ready! I told myself.  First, m not ready at all. I just started my business and I'm seriously still working my ass out to achieve my dream. And I want those relax-no-need-think-too-much-about-money that kind of life. I'm very comfortable now and I want him to be as comfortable as I am too so that we can both relax and chill out haha. And we're now buying a house too! And I'm really looking forward for it already! I don't want to stress him even more since he will be working hard on paying off the loans and installments. And if a guy is not willing to commit to you, why would he buy a house so that you both can live together? 

I'm thankful enough for everything that he did to me. Since the first day, I know, he is the one.   He is such a wonderful gift to me that I couldn't demand more! 

So, I successfully past through the *insane bitch rush to get married phase*. There's no rush for marriage! As long as we both are happy and when it's time, it's time.

I hope this post helps those wwho's experiencing the same phase with me and those who never experience this, pls don't judge wtf haha and please don't make your bf choose to break up or get married.  I've heard these stories many times and in the end, you will surely regret! There's no rush in it. Are you really ready to be a good wife? Think about it! You might not ready yet too. So chill the fuck out hahaha